That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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