Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
