my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
