Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
