before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
