Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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