I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
