the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize