My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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