I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
