i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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