wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
