I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
