I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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