Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
