If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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