Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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