im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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