he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
last night I used snow as a chaser
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize