Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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