We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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