Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
