I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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