Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
