Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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