glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
