You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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