I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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