The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
