It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
