Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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