Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
