I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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