Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
