I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
