just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
