oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
