Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
