I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
