hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
