If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize