The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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