yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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