im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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