Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
