I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
