I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Church boner. Awkwardddd
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
