Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
