I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
