Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
