i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
