dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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