Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
