New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
