Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just found puke in my bra..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
