This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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