I accidentally burped into my bong.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
