just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All the doctor said was why
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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