lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
