I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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