we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Two words: blizzard sex
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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