like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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