I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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