our cab driver is having phone sex.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sext me about skeletons
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
