the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
