the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
