Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
